I lost something very important to me today. Another something important. The only consolation is that…… I did the right thing!!!!…… but it does not feel good. I don’t feel happy. Aren’t doing right things supposed to make you happy??? but what I feel is just remorse. Guess I learnt a new thing today……. The right thing does not always be the right thing for you. It could be the right thing for the whole world at large but not right for you…….. simply not right for you.

Crisis alters everything!!!! It changes your world…… but it is not just the crisis that one should be scared of it is the whole paramount of things that are the after effects of the crisis. A crisis may last for a day or week or month or a year but the after effects of it lasts all your life. It alters everything. It makes you stronger but it also makes you weak. It changes your perception to the world, to people at large and not only that it also changes people’s perception of you…… If you have come out of the crisis victorious they look up to you……. else they look down on you. It is this altered perception that you have to deal with. Taking it one day at a time helps but if you look back it seems rather overwhelming and the whole thing seems rather too big to handle…… sometimes impossible to handle.

Its not only the looking down that is the problem…… it is also the other way round. You have to live upto the expectations that people have of you. The expectations that people have of you are usually unrealistic……. impossible to live upto.

Life is not about black and white. Black and white is simple but when you have to face the whole grey paraphernalia….. it seems too difficult. You cant categorise grey into black or white in bits…… you have to look at it as a whole and that is just too much. I wish things were simple but they are not.

ALL People are judgemental. They see things in black and white. It is difficult to even explain to them the whys and hows and whats……. I stopped trying years back. I dont even attempt these days but it hurts to see hatred in their eyes……. you want to try to make them see things your way……. to convince them…….. but they never do. The fact that you are trying hard to convince them goes against you confirming their point……… Think the worst of me and see if I care!!!!…….. I do care you know……. thats the problem!!!!!

The call is yours…… you can do what people expect of you…… It makes everybody happy…….. else you do what you want…….. nobody is happy……… does that make you happy……… what are the odds???? does altering perception help??? I have yet to find my answers to these and a hell lot of more questions.

Kisi ko mukkammil jahan nahi milta,
Kisi ko zamin……. kisi ko asmaan nahi milta.