The unending loop !!!

My life has lately become one hell of an unending loop. My days start with cleaning and cleaning and again the next day the house is dirty and again cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and then washing clothes-drying clothes-folding clothes and then the next lot is piled up and again washing clothes-drying clothes-folding clothes, cooking and again cooking and again cooking then eating again cooking and cooking and cooking, water plants-prune plants-spray plants and then again next day water plants-prune plants-spray plants, shopping (for veggies and fruits and grocery), gym, paying bills and then following up with this and then that and then the next-one-this and then next-one-that and then again this and again that. There is always something to order like a cylinder, update some software, a wrong billing or MTNL which is never working (which also means no net) or some investment going kaput or something else. Somebody falling sick….. Worry- worry-worry!!! As far as studying goes it is study-study-study recollect forget again study-study-study. In between all this I also have to talk to human beings like hubs and stinky maid and lots more and be good to all of them. I am sure you get the gist.

I am living in some kind of an infinite loop which does not seem to end whatever I do. The monotony of it actually worked for me when I did not want to think. But it is catching up!!! It is like a program that keeps running itself again and again and again so much that try as I can I just can’t stop it. It is becoming so much of an effort lately. What I sincerely wish for is to climb some mountain all alone and just fade into oblivion and never come down again. Wishful thinking but then I guess I am entitled to it. I am badly STRESSED OUT and I sincerely want out of all this monotony!!! I wish that time would just stop…… just stop and never start again and I wouldn’t have to repeat the loop again for another day would mean same ritual again and again and again.

You won’t believe how many times I have hung up on people yesterday and how many times I have banged the phone down especially in case of any junk calls. I am sure Club Mahindra people almost burst their ear drums yesterday. I am just not able to take shit from people anymore……. saturated to the core and nothing seems to be helping. The worst story of all is that you have to be sweet and nice to people when you are actually seething inside.

And can you believe this my holiday. Can you believe it what will happen to me when my work actually starts? I am going to be KILLED. I live like a machine and believe me I am living a laid back life compared to so many other women who also have to take care of children and have no help and mind you all of them put in 12 hours of work at office 4 hours of traveling to and fro and then all the paraphernalia of housework and children’s studies and also listening to their stories. This is just part of the Cosmo life. But somehow I just can’t seem to cope.

Guess I am just a weak cause!!!

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  1. Reply
    hitch writer May 30, 2009

    awww… com on… here is a jadoo ki jhappi !!!!

    feeel better ??

  2. Reply
    Sucharita Sarkar May 29, 2009

    Ranu, the only way out of this cleaning-noticing dirt-loop is to turn a blind eye to all the dirt and relax with a book or the blogs.

  3. Reply
    Varunavi May 29, 2009

    Lol ranu this is the case of every household in particular every homemaker.How much every she is educated,working a homemaker has to do all the household chores.

    Here we dont get maids or any help,have to do the entire work by ourselves.

    sometimes i feel i want to go far away do nothing,let my mom take care of my kids and i will relax,then i feel i should not trouble her.

    U take a break go home and spend ur time with ur mom.Having said this,u will be doing more of cleaning after leaving the house for long.

  4. Reply
    Ranu May 29, 2009

    @ Kavi and Suranga : Thanks a lot you won’t believe it but that actually helped !!! thanks for understanding !!!! thanks a lot!!!!

  5. Reply
    Ugich Konitari May 29, 2009

    While I can completely identify with your first paragraph, I must remind you that even inanimate beings like computers have an ESC key, and CTRL-ALT-DEL to escape the loop.

    Many times we take great effort to organize things just so, because thats the accepted norm set by society. And again, when the mind is not at peace and in tumult over , say health of loved ones etc, little things in daily life ,trouble a lot.

    Forget the plants, forget the clothes. You dont need to be graded by others. So long as you do well on your own grading scale. Get yourself a nice book, cook simple meals, chat (over chaat!) with your good friends. Give yourself a break for a few days. And things will surely look better.

  6. Reply
    Kavi May 29, 2009

    Houston, we have a problem !!

    Well, we arent talking of space ships here but it does seem to be the same in some form.

    But i can see where you are. And as they say, the first thing is to recognise all whats happening around you. And take cognizance of it all!

    And that you have done so well. And i have often found thats the place where the tide starts turning !

    Hang in there…its easy to say that. But do remember…thats being said by someone, who is just about hanging in there as well !!

    And as they say…the darkest hour is also 60 minutes only !!

    Take care.

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