All through school and college…… one thing was dinned into my mind by teachers parents….. never point a finger at others. Point it at yourself. When you point a finger at others remember the other fingers are pointing at you. So on and so forth. Until we reached a stage where we were told that never find fault with others. All the fault remains with only one person…… that is you. To the extent that we hate our own existence on planet earth. It is very easy to convince such a person that Hiroshima Nagasaki and tsunami happened because of one and only one reason……. YOU…… just because you lived on this planet……. your existence caused it……. you are responsible. The fact that I wasn’t born then does not really hold any significance…… could be preamble to my birth.
I think they over did it…… self recrimination is such a common thing that these days they teach us about forgiving yourself. Let go…… being benevolent towards ourselves. Louise Hay in most of her books talks about the same thing. She explains that most diseases that ail us today are a mirror to the hatred we have of our selves. We r too demanding of our selves and expect super human skills….. which is an absolute mirage. The dissatisfaction that we have of our selves is today reached a point that we need to look at ourselves from other peoples point of view to reach the “I’m-not-so-bad” place. We look at ourselves not from our own eyes but that of somebody else and accept their judgement whatever it may be. We can be non judgmental about the world at large but when it comes to ourselves…… naah…… never….. the crooked nose….. the crooked eyebrow or the increasing waistline is all we see.
These days forgiving other people for hurting you is so much easier than forgiving yourself. You have to constantly remind yourself that you are a nice person. Remind yourself to Forgive yourself on a daily basis for not meeting your targets and not be upset with yourself for not being able to reach the Utopian place that u have set yourself to be in and forgive yourself for hurting others and also a constantly remind yourself that you are not responsible for the whole world. You are already doing your bit and stop beating yourself up for the mistakes that other people make…… That is part of their learning curve. It will only make them wiser and smarter in the long run.
The control freaks that we have become push us beyond the levels that are sometimes inhuman. We crave for a lot of stuff which are sometimes beyond our means….. but we convince ourselves that we can only be happy only if we achieve that and then push ourselves to achieving it. In the process we accumulate a lot of self hate and make very very less concessions for ourselves for not achieving it. We become our biggest critic and very less tolerant about our mistakes and spend a lot of money on long therapy sessions of standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself that I love you and that you are a nice person.
I remember watching a Bollywood movie where the main protagonist tells “main apni favorite hu” meaning i am my favorite person. That is my favorite dialogue till date. Also there was this part where on looking in the mirror she says “you are so beautiful…… how can anybody look so beautiful”. I wish i would reach that place someday and fall in love with myself……. so i too can forgive all my so-called sins….. like i forgive everything about the people i love. If someone calls you a narcissist its their problem not yours.